The Tatoo Everyone Loves

A little astronaut pig in space
that reads:
to the moon and back again.

I leave the tattoo studio
it’s late in the afternoon
I’ll show her tomorrow, I think.

It’s Valentine’s Day
Dad got mum a rose
(that’s a story for another day).

I roll up my sleeve
and present the tattoo
Mum likes it.

It’s dark outside
I’m in the middle of a game
the doorbell goes.

Two of my siblings are on my doorstep
strange, though I let them in and apologise –
I have a game to finish.

Something’s wrong but I can’t tell what
then the words leave my sister’s mouth
Mum’s passed away.

I love you to the moon and back again
I’ll never hear those words leave Mum’s mouth
now all I have is this tattoo.

So it’s funny
how this
is the tattoo everyone loves.

-Nix

Notes: featured image not mine

I haven’t posted in like four years but hey. I was reading a collection of poetry by Halsey while I was in the bath and it inspired me to write a little. And I wanted to share it. I didn’t refine it much as this one is more of an emotional outlet.

Sorry for the lack of posts recently

I haven’t posted for a month or so (oops). I said I was taking a temporary hiatus but I’m not sure I’m going to keep blogging at all now…

At the start of this blog it was like a hobby that I really enjoyed and there was no pressure and I’m proud of my (not very long) journey. Thanks everyone who has read my stuff and interacted and followed. 😀

But now it feels like more of a chore to think of what to post… I don’t want to post for the sake of posting, I prefer sharing genuine creative and meaningful things but lately I haven’t been able to produce that.

So in short, I will probably stop blogging. Maybe I’ll be active (as in creating content – I’ll still check my reader from time to time) in a couple of months, maybe I won’t.

Until then, peace out. 😛

(I have however, posted the poem I wrote last October as a parting gift. It’s my last fully edited piece in my drafts currently.)

– Nix

Song: Stress No More by Justin Love (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70HAO-C4wSw)

In the moment

Running lukewarm through

my veins, unfulfilled hopes quashed,

tension waned; mellow.

Music swaying, lips seeking

easy, dizzying nectar.

 

– Nix

Notes: featured image not mine

I can only be succinct/concise in my poems and not my essays, it seems…

And yes I reposted this just now as the first one didn’t appear at the top of my blog for some reason.

Song: Everybody’s Watching Me (Uh Oh) by The Neighbourhood (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7FeTsK3Vr4) – listened to the I Love You album on repeat whilst writing this. The voice reminds me of the kind of melancholic feeling I get from listening to Lana Del Rey too, but more relaxing.

Friendships and the future

January has been interesting so far. Not much has happened exactly, but there’s been a lot of talking.

For instance in Sociology we were doing some Feminism and I casually said that I don’t think I want to get married and that seemed to be shocking. Part of me thinks marriage is just a piece of paper and the other thinks it’s more commitment than I’d ever be ready for. The average cost of a wedding is just over £20,000 but I’d definitely have a low-key one if I was going to have one. My friend reminded me that I could wear a suit if I wanted (I feel horrible in dresses and skirts).

I’ve had some ups and downs in my one of my friendships but we’re close again thankfully. I haven’t known him that long but he offered to take me out for my 18th birthday which I’m looking forward to.

I got invited to go to celebrate Chinese New Year (28th January) with some friends but I don’t think I’ll go because I’m socially awkward.

L’s birthday was two weeks ago and I didn’t have time to get a present so I got her a bath bomb from Lush last week. And I bet £5 that I won’t get any A* grades for my A-levels. Hopefully I’m wrong but it’s not long until my exams.

I treated myself to Firewatch – it was on Steam for £9 that day and it looked beautiful in the trailer so I thought why not?

Ollie had his first experience of snow.

All my friends seem to have replied to their uni offers, so I’ve made my firm and insurance choices now too. I did better than I thought I would in my mocks considering I hadn’t really revised – approximately one A and two B’s. I can now just focus on studying hard…

I say as I spent last weekend drawing instead of making revision notes:

Clue: “When I close my eyes it’s like a dark paradise”

Clue: “You were red and you liked me ’cause I was blue. You touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky. And you decided purple just wasn’t for you.”

I did an experimental watercolour background then outlined in 4B pencil before finishing in biro.

Q: Can you recognise who these portraits are of? 🙂

Sadly I haven’t improved my skills much since I dropped the subject after secondary school.

I brought Cards Against Humanity into college earlier this week and 11 people in total ended up playing so it took  a while! It was fun though, I think I came 2nd with 4 black cards and M came 1st with 7 black cards. Now you can tell who I really am :’)

I traded belated Christmas presents with M and unlike him I didn’t scoff the lot in the first 12 hours but I can confirm the Twirl Bites are gone now. 

Notes: featured image mine, above photos taken on my phone camera

(A: Lana Del Rey and Halsey)

I’m excited for 2017 except the part about Brexit and Trump/Pence. That’s scary.

It’s quite worrying that since Trump has been sworn in, pages such as civil rights, climate change, healthcare, immigration and LGBT rights have disappeared from the White House website ( https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/jan/20/white-house-website-trump-policy-agenda).

On the bright side, it was amazing to see how many took part in the Women’s marches. We have to fight back. These are some photos I saw on Twitter/Snapchat which seemed quite fitting:

It’s not fair that a bunch of old white men get to decide what women can and can’t do. No uterus, no opinion.

I’m still struggling to be inspired for poems at the moment and my college workload is increasing so I might not post next week.

Any words of motivation to get work done would be really appreciated. 🙂

Song: Angels Will Rise by Twisted Jukebox (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zAspzNfHCs)

Temporary

Her happiness

is like the morning frost;

lingering

until dawn’s breaking.

 

– Nix

Notes: featured image not mine

Song: Thrown In Reverse by King Neptune (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cqefVkiY84)

Is the feeling mutual?

Your pulse starts to hammer

every time you’re close to her-

did she just smile at you?

She couldn’t have

you walk on

suddenly fascinated by the floor.

 

A few months later:

your phone flickers to life

your eyes widen

there’s new notification on your screen

Whoa.

 

– Nix

Notes: featured image not mine

I tried to post this in the morning at college but WordPress fucked up again and since I was in my phone I couldn’t re-do it until I got home.

Song: Take Me To Church by Hozier (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYSVMgRr6pw)

Gong xi fa cai

Is Chinese Mandarin for “Wishing you a prosperous year” according to Google.

This isn’t a random language I picked for my belated New Year post though, I’m actually Chinese born but grew up in Britain and never learned Chinese which surprises most people. I would love to speak multiple languages, alas I don’t have the aptitude for it. (What languages can you speak?)

I waited to get my hair cut and dip dyed before writing this so I could share photos…

I didn’t take very comparable photos but yeah… My hair is naturally straight and black and it’s hard to see the colour under bad lighting. The hairdresser is really cool and helped me pick the brown and persuaded me to let him layer my hair then curl it. (I’m sad that the curls will be gone by Monday which is when people would see it.)

In fact he thought there was a mistake when he saw what I was booked for since I usually have just a straight trim, no layering or colouring :’) I know a lot of people who dye their hair and it’s a new year though, so I thought I’d go for it. I considered colours like electric blue, dark green and red but thought I’d play it safe since it’s the first time I’ve dyed my hair. Do you dye your hair? 🙂

Now I’m gonna rewind a bit, back to the 24th of December 2016.

’twas the night before Christmas…I realised the Christmas card I bought was not a Christmas card. Here is how I rectified that:

I mean, if you see snow you’re probably gonna assume it’s about Christmas right?

This Christmas was quiet. The novelty has worn off for me. And I was still feeling rough but now I think I’ve recovered (fingers crossed). It’s the one day I try really hard to spend more time with my family instead of on my phone though. Just played Cluedo among other boardgames during the afternoon – a great game for the family, not – which was enjoyable.

A couple of days later, I used my Christmas money to buy Professor Layton and the Miracle Mask – I’m a fan of that series and I play them with my dad (he does the puzzles I can’t solve). I’m enjoying it! Although 3D never really adds to games in my opinion, so I have that turned off. I’ve also been enjoying Pokémon Moon, much better than Pokémon Black/White, Black 2/White 2 or X/Y in my opinion. Refreshing. But nothing in my eyes will ever beat Platinum.

Then one of my older brothers visited and gave me a chocolate wreath and two beautiful notepads and a pen (the chocolate disappeared very quickly).

My parents and I (is that correct grammar?) watched the new episode of Sherlock. It was entertaining but I don’t think it made sense that Mary had the time to move Sherlock out the way of the bullet – if that’s possible couldn’t he just move himself..?

We also watched the new episodes of the latest series of Father Brown which HAVE impressed me, although I’ll miss Lady Felicia. I like Bunty’s character too, it’s refreshing. Does anyone here happen to watch Father Brown? I’m really into mystery/police/detective shows…

I have also been binging YouTube videos lately. Mostly of gaming or Cards Against Humanity which cracks me up every time. I was re-watching Until Dawn gameplay until about midnight and then I think I had a nightmare within a nightmare when I fell asleep so I don’t think it wasn’t a good idea!

College is back to normal next week. I only had to be in for one and a half days for the start of term for college this week. :3 If I manage to get a C in all my mocks I’ll be surprised but over the moon. If I got higher than that on my English I’d be amazed because I only did half an hour of revision in the morning on the day (shh). However, people who did the mocks before us did give us hints for Geography and English.

My mum took me for KFC as a treat after to celebrate finishing my mocks which was nice. We browsed some shops but I didn’t buy anything and just ended up making the most of the mirrors in the shops. Docs are love, docs are life.

May 2017 be a better year than 2016. 😛

…Might be difficult considering Trump is the president-elect and Brexit might be in the works but hey-ho.

Notes: featured image not mine, other photos taken on my phone camera

Edit: I just noticed that typo in the second paragraph, I need an editor to edit my editing clearly :’)

Song: Ho Hey by The Lumineers (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvCBSSwgtg4)

 

The truth about college

(Based on my experiences in England)

School:

“You’re going to get treated like an adult at college”

College:

“If you find where we hid Eddie the Elf in the weeks leading up to Christmas break you win a bag of sweets”

School:

“College is a lot stricter”

College teachers:

“That’s all, so you can leave early today”

School:

“No swearing”

College teacher:

“Today we’re doing Interactionism so let’s listen to Fuck Tha Police by N.W.A.”

School:

“They will have high expectations”

College:

“You don’t need to do more research because we’ve provided you with all the resources”

School:

“The work will be harder/you will have to work hard”

College:

“You need to draw and annotate a comic strip for this week’s homework”

School:

“You need to be better equipped”

College:

*you only need a biro and a highlighter unless you’re doing an art-related subject*

Notes: featured image and other images not mine

All the things above did happen by the way! Sorry this isn’t a normal post. Hope you had a good start to 2017. 🙂

I’m so tired that I forgot I was meant to post today until I was deep into procrastinating my revision for my English mock tomorrow. Geography and Sociology didn’t go that well but at least they’re only mocks.

Song: Every You Every Me by Placebo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMaycNcPsHI

Sleep

Eyelids heavy

pulse steady

life’s remedy.

 

– Nix

Notes: featured image not mine

Hope everyone is having happy holidays. 🙂

May go on hiatus due to mock exams coming up.

It’s been extra stressful these past two weeks since several members of the family including myself have been in and out of hospitals/doctors.

I wanted to post a Christmassy poem on Christmas Day but I got stuck for ideas, so next time maybe!

Song: The A Team by Ed Sheeran (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAWcs5H-qgQ)

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde – Book Review

Spoiler alert.

Interestingly, I think I would have enjoyed this novel more if I had had to study it for English because then I would have been able to understand and appreciate it a lot more.

Nonetheless it kept me fairly engaged – that is, other than the long philosophical sounding passages. At first I tried to read and grasp every sentence but halfway through the book I only skim-read them instead.

Anyway I was really drawn to this novel simply because of the concept: the extraordinary picture of Dorian Gray – painted by Basil Hallward, who is “charmed by his looks”. Dorian’s sinful acts and ageing translate into grotesque features which gradually appear on the painting whilst Dorian himself remains youthful. I had to find out more!

The blurb (I cut out the bit I just explained above) seems to sum up the themes of the novel well I think:

But when Sir Henry Wotton visits and seduces Dorian into the worship of youthful beauty with an intoxicating speech, Dorian makes a wish he will live to regret…The stage is now set for a masterful tale about appearance, reality, art, life, truth, fiction and the burden of conscience.

The novel is only about 200 pages which is manageable. I found the first couple of chapters a bit boring to be honest. It wasn’t until Sibyl Vane that I became more engaged but after that, certain events felt kind of predictable – especially on the last pages.

I feel like the gothic genre is like a tragedy by nature and if there’s a name in the title, you have an idea of what will happen to that character. After everything Dorian did, you can imagine how hideous he must have looked in the end.

Basil’s demise was an exception. I wasn’t expecting that. Poor Basil. Now that part of the novel was really…grisly? Sordid? Not sure what describes it well. By this point I didn’t really admire any of the characters, not that I think I was supposed to, just how they were written. I think that Dorian Gray by the end of the novel is very self-centred, shallow, impressionable, dishonest and monstrous. (Why Dorian listened to virtually everything Sir Henry Wotton said is what I’d like to know.)

It’s hard for me to think of a specific thing that made me like this novel because it’s certainly not my favourite book. I think not being able to understand everything was part of its charm for me – the challenge. And the romantic undertones because the kind of genre it falls under is great but I find it a bit dry without any intimate aspects (like in Jekyll and Hyde – I find that lawyer Mr Utterson as dull and reserved as he’s described to be). I guess that goes for most things I read or watch.

One thing I will say though is that it’s a thought-provoking novel because it presents a lot of ideas about life and people and it has characters that I can connect with better than in the other gothic stuff I’ve read/began to read (The Man of the Crowd, Dracula, Jekyll and Hyde). And as someone who likes art, I found ideas about that particularly interesting.

There were also some odd remarks about women but I feel that’s par for the course given the time the novel was written and maybe because the author is Oscar Wilde. As far as I can remember, most of these remarks came from the peculiar Sir Henry Wotton (he seemed to take pleasure in influencing the young Dorian). At first, the comments made me frown but they amused me afterwards. One of them was “When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs”.

And these are some of my overall favourite quotes:

To define is to limit

Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing

Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is by far the best ending for one

Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter

My final verdict is that The Picture of Dorian Gray is worth a read if you think you’d like this sort of thing.

Notes: featured image taken on my camera

What book are you currently reading? And if you have any gothic fiction recommendations I’d love to hear them. 🙂

Sorry my first review was a mess, I’ve realised I need to keep focused so here is my second attempt at a (still clearly  amateurish) book review…If you don’t try you can’t succeed 😛

I noticed the posts that I don’t expect to do well actually get more likes, it’s strange – maybe this could be one of them.

Song: Love The Way You Lie by Eminem ft. Rihanna (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uelHwf8o7_U)