Dissolved

Sometimes I like it empty:

isolation can tempt me

as anxiety averts me from a congested room

and being tired tends to make social interaction my tomb.

 

Or I like to be around my friends

(who I see rarely on weekends,

though they do make me smile)

or walk unfamiliar crowds once in a while

where I can go unnoticed because they

don’t know me and when I go away

they won’t remember me

so I don’t care – I feel free.

 

I hate feeling eyes on me

athough I’ve found music is key,

and on my own, time is of no concern

but a room full of people will make my stomach churn

so before leaving, I scan

for the easiest escape route as an

unwanted encounter is the last thing I need.

 

Meanwhile I must fight the rising nerves, I

must keep my breathing under control, say goodbye

which when I do, no one hears

but at least the fresh air nears.

 

– Nix

Notes: featured image not mine – credit: Ink by Esad Hajdarevic (https://www.flickr.com/photos/heidarewitsch/) (source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/heidarewitsch/4660832612) licensed under CC BY 2.0

I know the rhyme scheme makes the poem disjointed but I’m only a fledgling poet…

It’s so weird posting on Tuesdays now, I’m out of habit. Did two tests in class today, only revised for the subject which I want to do at uni though…Got a call from one of the universities I put as a choice on my UCAS form which I’ve sent off now but it was a complete anti-climax as they were just asking if I wanted to come to another open day but I’ve already made my mind up! Awkward. Yesterday I managed to cut my elbow on a pillow. The zip. My scars have the lamest stories behind them, seriously. Just think of me next time you feel you’ve done something idiotically clumsy 😛 I also went on a bike ride last weekend for the first time in over a year but I’m not sure if it’ll ever be the same, which makes me sad (I hate running).

I added some links to my previous post of things you could do that might help, I’ll put them here too:

Song: Stay In My Memory by Bim 

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4 thoughts on “Dissolved

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