So you’ve probably guessed due to the title – I came out today (to my parents).
I like writing about things that matter to me, like most people like writing and reading stuff that matters to them. And that’s enough reason for this post to exist. If you want to talk, the door is always open 🙂 Hope this post means something to someone.
5 things I’ve learned are:
- There is never a “perfect time” to come out (if you want to) and it’s never a one time thing
- IT’S OKAY TO BE GAY or whatever, unapologetically
- Your past experiences don’t define your sexuality/gender identity
- Sexuality/gender identity can fluctuate and there is a spectrum; you don’t have to put yourself in the box that is labels
- It’s not a choice – why would you choose to be a target of prejudice and discrimination?
Hearing other people’s experiences and thoughts on LGBTQ+ has been really reassuring. And I feel like people like me sometimes gravitate towards each other coincidentally somehow. It’s even easier with the internet existing, it’s there for when you don’t feel like you can talk to people you know in real life.
Everyone figures themselves or at different rates. I’m stunned by individuals who knew themselves really young, I sort of wish I did too. That, or just be obliviously straight. Sexuality seems like a taboo even in modern British education. I’m still not 100% sure of what category I fall into but I’m 100% sure that that category is not the straight one.
Around Janurary 2015 was when I was seriously thinking “hey, maybe I’m not a heterosexual.” One person had asked if I was bisexual and one person called me a lesbian out of spite leading up to this but I had sort of dismissed both. I hate lying so to the former, I simply said “I don’t know, I’m too young to know!” because I was so caught off guard and flustered over their random question.
That year I was busy preparing for my GCSEs and long story short, the issue of my possible sexuality caused me a great deal of extra anxiety and stress.
By the end of my exams I was pretty sure. I came out to that friend via text on the 21st June, not long before prom which was the first time I felt like I was being me. Even though I wore a dress. I hate wearing those.
She gave me the confidence to come out to my guy best friend one or two days later. I was more worried that time because sometimes guys fetishize girls who like girls. But he was also amazing and dorky. And recommended gay icons to me.
It was months later until I came it to anybody else. Most people are judgmental as heck in school, but college has been pretty neat. I haven’t had any negative reactions yet, thankfully. The first people I came out to there was kind of by accident. My friend and her friend joined me at the table I was at. Somehow the conversation steered to boys. Then I ended up getting asked “are you gay?” then I blushed profusely after shrugging. Her friend was awesome though because she understands that it’s not a comfortable topic. It’s funny because I thought my friend would assume it without asking because on the field trip we went on, where she asked what type of guys I like, I answered “none” (half jokingly).
I’ve only come out to two other friends since. I don’t want to be potentially treated differently.
I still wasn’t ready to declare myself to my parents though.
From the beginning of this year probably, I have planned to come out during the summer holidays because that gave my parents the most time to adjust before I resumed college. And it means it’s only a year since I first came out – I felt guilty about not telling them even though sexuality shouldn’t be a big deal.
But finally, today, as I caught up on some chapters of a queer fanfiction, I was inspired and motivated to come out. Fiction gave me the push I needed. My logic was this: if that character can come out to their deeply religious and openly homophobic mother and then be okay, then so can I. My parents can’t be that bad.
So it’s the 8th September 2016, here I am. I went to my mum’s room, said I wanted to talk. Sat down on her bed. Said “I’m attracted to girls”. Then I cried. I was scared because she repeated it which made it sound like she was going to reject me. But she was just a bit unsure she had heard right.
Today (technically yesterday now it’s past midnight) I learned that I have a gay brother who the entire family knew about apart from me and that my parents love me no matter what. Also that she had thought about it since I get on well with guys and never seemed to have a crush on any.
I mentioned that I had gauged their possible reactions by bringing up the legalisation of gay marriage, etc.
My dad was funny because he joked about not having to be as worried about me and that it wouldn’t stop him from making dad jokes.
It’s a huge weight off my shoulders and I’m so happy it’s all alright. I know I’m very lucky to have accepting parents and hope other people get the love and acceptance they deserve. After all, love is love.
Notes: Featured image is not mine.
Song: Same Love by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis ft. Mary Lambert (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlVBg7_08n0) because obviously it fits this post perfectly and I love it.